And he's really not all that young.

This poor fellow is constantly being mislabeled due to his unfortunate appearance. Let us set things strait, once and for all. Although contrary to popular belief, giant head-men with top hats and teeth the size of dictionaries are not ruffians. They are more... galoot-ish.

(Please pay special attention to the iPod-toting armadillo. Gee whiz! Everybody has one of those now!)

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #18

Whoa. M.N.S.M.S. is back. No way.

Way.

Handy Tip #167 - When you need to boost your reception on your safe, try using TV antennas. If you get them just right, and add tin foil, you may even pick up Canadian game shows.

Handy Tip #420 - Use a straw to get the last bit of Kool-aid from your fern. That way, all the leaves will stay out of your nose.

During our staff meeting, I noticed a spreadsheet monster on the second page. He kept nipping at my pen as I tried to write important, informative notes. Luckily, they like to eat copywriters, so I feed him ours to quell his appetite.

Golly, what else could I say about this one.

Since it has been a while since M.N.S.M.S have graced the pages of P.D.o.G.U., I thought it would be A.R.G.T. to H.A.T.S.a.S. Y.W.a.E.T.M. I.A.S.I.D.S.E.P. Anyway, let's all sing along!...

Go find your milk-producing organs elsewhere!

I've come to discovery the top five keywords that lead web-surfers to Partial Distortion of Grape Udders. Since they all have little to do with this website, I've decided to give these people something related to their searches, so they won't feel discouraged after visiting P.D.o.G.U. and not finding what they were looking for.

So, here we go...

#5. distortion neat arms new collection


#4. graphite face drawings


#3. ten facts of the atom


#2. invisible otter


And the #1 keywords are...
big udders

You know, I'm not even gonna touch that one.

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #5

My super senses are tingling

His underwear is on the outside. That can't be right.

His hands must be cold.

Here's another little comic with these bean-worm-whatever guys. If you don't understand it, please look up "cingulate gyrus of limbic cortex" on the Wikipedia site. Then, after reading the information 3 or 4 times, realize that it doesn't have anything to do with this post.

Action-packed adventure, baby!

From that makers of that toy movie, car movie, fish movie, and bug movie,... Pixar presents their latest movie... "Houses!"

Unbelievable facts about fire pits!

1. The number one cause of blindness in the United States are fire pits!
2. If the Sun were the size of a beach ball then Jupiter would be the size of a golf ball and a fire pit would be as small as a pea.
3. During World War II, Americans tried to train fire pits to drop bombs.
4. The Australian billygoat plum contains a hundred times more Vitamin C than a fire pit!
5. There is actually no danger in swimming right after you eat a fire pit, though it may feel uncomfortable.
6. During the reign of Peter the Great, any Russian nobleman who chose to wear a fire pit had to pay a special fire pit tax!
7. Pacman was originally called Firepitman.
8. A fire pit has only one weakness - the colour yellow.
9. A fire pit is worth its weight in gold - literally.
10. Humans have 46 chromosomes, while peas have 14, and a fire pit has 7!

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #4

Something's in the air

Happy Valentines Day everyone!
May your heart not feel the pain of being set on fire, thrown to the ground like last weeks garbage, and crash into a flaming ball of rejection, misery and loneliness.

Have a wonderful day!

Hold the corpse, please.

Time to look at another exquisite corpse I worked on. Here's what I was sent...

Hmmm... this one looks a bit tricky, but do-able. Now, when I start a new slice, I tend to soak my head in a vat of pickle juice until I know what to do. Then I start on the background to make sure it matches the slice I got. I noticed some bricks, and interesting patterns on the sides, so I tried to continue them.

I needed to continue a bit more from the slice. That big solid slab of color was getting under my skin.

Now to add stuff! Obviously, that yellow thing is a drill bit. So I found some drill bit images to use.


After some tweaks, we have a seamless drill bit integrated image. (Do you know how many times I've said that today? Like, twelve.)

I did a bit more browsing for images and... oh, look! A bunny!



Even though I didn't use all of them, I at least found a bunny picture I can color later.

Anyway, I used the lovely clip art image, and got rid of a few things, tweaked it, stuck my head back in the vat of pickle juice, added the LW and DE, and finished it up.

After a few weeks, the final result was posted. And here it is!...

Flaming hearts, bird-chomping dogs, technicolor animal pelts...another work of art. I liked how this one came out, and I thought everyone did a great job.

Self Loathing 101

I don't consider myself a grumpy, grumbling, grumpubbalumbaly kind of a guy. I tend to be quite cheery by nature. Unless I have an icepick impaling me somewhere. Then I seem to be a bit more grumpy. And nothing tweaks me more than someone coming up to me and saying, "Hey pal, take the icepick out and quit being such a baby about it." The nerve.

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #3

Or you can have toast

When ever I get the hankering for some giant mythical monster flesh, I grab a box of Dragon Scales! With 100% naturally processed dragon-like crunchettes, and fang-shaped marshmallows, there's no better way to start your day than by digging into a new box of tasty Dragon Scales!

Free in every box for a limited time... a spiked flail!

The posters that never were

I thought I'd share a collection of posters that I've worked on, but were never actually posted. Most were done in art classes and such. So, I guess these are faux posters. Or maybe they're called "post-iques," ...kind of like a poster, but not really. These are the kind that go to poster restaurants and poster parties, and get picked-on by all the real posters just because they've never been "posted." Even post-it notes take jabs at these guys.

But to be honest, one of these is an actual, real poster. Unfortunately, as soon as I log off, I'm afraid the other posters might take out their aggressions on it, and beat it up. Ah, well... Can you guess which one is the real poster?

(Please forgive the gratuitous use of lens flares in the first two. I was young and naive.)

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #2

Here's the next installment of our new weekly feature here at P.D.o.G.U. May you bask in all the Silly Putty glory presented here. Ahhh...